Questionable Questions (Episode 1)
Intros.
I introduce this new weekly segment because my blog is in the gutter gasping inhuman sounds and draining of blood. I also mean to provide meaningful answers to thoughtless questions that bug the average joe while taking a dump or lathering their hair with shampoo. Or in my case while sitting in my cubicle tapping my fingers on the desk waiting for the next fucker to call disturbing my moment of ignorance and hindering my relentless pursuance of reaching man's ultimate but hardly recognized goal - static satisfaction. Then again I'm aiming to get endorsements and sponsorship offers from multinational soda companies.
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QUESTION NUMBER 1
Q : Wouldn't sex be more interesting and exciting if both male and female can get impregnated?
A : Hmm. I'd say yes. Think of the anxiety that is akin to that feeling on your first few christmas eves (of course as you grow older, the novelty wears off) as you await to rip apart the numerous packages with your name on it. Or that feeling when there's one number left on your bingo card that is unmarked and you and that old geezer from next door are staring at each other looking like rabid dogs, both of you in the verge of winning depending on the next ball that is drawn. Or that time when you were sitting outside the health clinic waiting for the nurse to come out to tell you whether you have AIDS or not.
Imagine the thrill after sex.
"Who do you think will it be? You or me?", "I think you will. Your temperature was a bit higher than usual." And then think about the weeks after wherein you both contemplate on the possibilities. One of you can go mental. "Josie, I can't. I can't be the one. The football championship is in 3 months. I've been training hard. The team needs me. I hope to god it's you." You both sit on the breakfast nook sipping coffee, listening intently to your bodies. "Was I supposed to excrete that kind of discharge?", "I'm feeling light-headed every morning. Is this it?", "My man-boobs hurt. Am I preparing to lactate?"
And then you pee together. It's all about team work. You stare at the pregnancy kit that you each have. "Don't peek.", "Hey. Watch it. Look at your own." 2 pairs of eyes grow wide. "Ha! I'm not pregnant! So, are you?" , "Whew. I'm not!" "Yay! We're both safe! Oh wait...look, your's still changing. Oh...Hugh...You're pregnant. It's going to be okay. Hey we're having a baby.!"
So yeah. It'll be hilarious. Why didn't Bob* think of that?
***
*Bob is a borrowed term from Jamie. Jamie is chummy with God so he allows her to call him by his casual sunday name - Bob.
I introduce this new weekly segment because my blog is in the gutter gasping inhuman sounds and draining of blood. I also mean to provide meaningful answers to thoughtless questions that bug the average joe while taking a dump or lathering their hair with shampoo. Or in my case while sitting in my cubicle tapping my fingers on the desk waiting for the next fucker to call disturbing my moment of ignorance and hindering my relentless pursuance of reaching man's ultimate but hardly recognized goal - static satisfaction. Then again I'm aiming to get endorsements and sponsorship offers from multinational soda companies.
***
QUESTION NUMBER 1
Q : Wouldn't sex be more interesting and exciting if both male and female can get impregnated?
A : Hmm. I'd say yes. Think of the anxiety that is akin to that feeling on your first few christmas eves (of course as you grow older, the novelty wears off) as you await to rip apart the numerous packages with your name on it. Or that feeling when there's one number left on your bingo card that is unmarked and you and that old geezer from next door are staring at each other looking like rabid dogs, both of you in the verge of winning depending on the next ball that is drawn. Or that time when you were sitting outside the health clinic waiting for the nurse to come out to tell you whether you have AIDS or not.
Imagine the thrill after sex.
"Who do you think will it be? You or me?", "I think you will. Your temperature was a bit higher than usual." And then think about the weeks after wherein you both contemplate on the possibilities. One of you can go mental. "Josie, I can't. I can't be the one. The football championship is in 3 months. I've been training hard. The team needs me. I hope to god it's you." You both sit on the breakfast nook sipping coffee, listening intently to your bodies. "Was I supposed to excrete that kind of discharge?", "I'm feeling light-headed every morning. Is this it?", "My man-boobs hurt. Am I preparing to lactate?"
And then you pee together. It's all about team work. You stare at the pregnancy kit that you each have. "Don't peek.", "Hey. Watch it. Look at your own." 2 pairs of eyes grow wide. "Ha! I'm not pregnant! So, are you?" , "Whew. I'm not!" "Yay! We're both safe! Oh wait...look, your's still changing. Oh...Hugh...You're pregnant. It's going to be okay. Hey we're having a baby.!"
So yeah. It'll be hilarious. Why didn't Bob* think of that?
***
*Bob is a borrowed term from Jamie. Jamie is chummy with God so he allows her to call him by his casual sunday name - Bob.
