If I Had Septuplets And Named Them According To The Seven Capital Sins

Pride, I don’t have money for the triple-action absorbing diapers. These will do. Yes you deserve the expensive ones, but mommy is broke. No I’m not asking you to step to the level of the primitives, but you have to make do with the tunic! Oh you’d rather be buck-naked? Fine.

Anger, I just forgot to segregate the peas from the carrots. It’s not as if I burned your eyebrows. No, I’m not making fun of your uni-brow. Of course not honey. Calm down. Put that plate down. NOW! I said put that plate down! Oh you’re going to throw it at me? Really now. Oh, you’re going to stab me with your fork? Gouge my eyes out eh? It’s plastic honey. Put it down.

Gluttony, you’re scaring me. That’s your 33rd milk bottle…for the last 10 minutes. And drop that! That’s for the dog you idio…sweet little thing. No you can’t have Greed’s share. No trust me, he won’t give it to you.

Greed, the crib’s big enough for two babies. Why did you push Sloth to the floor? No you can’t have mommy’s pillow, you’ll suffocate. You don’t care? No you can’t have the throw pillows either. Why? Because Lust has been rolling around with it. It’s eeky and filthy.

I am paying attention to you Envy. Did I say I have six kids? When? No I did not! Yes you can wear the tunic as well. It’s not as pretty as Pride’s? Are you kidding me? They’re all white! Oh it’s smaller now is it? That’s because Pride’s bigger than you. Fair share. What? I don’t get you. You’d be running around with your trousers on your ankles.

What the fuck are you doing Lust? You’re not old enough to do that! Stop playing with your thing! Or if you have to, do it in your room! Stop touching your sister! Stop that or I’ll spank you. What did you say? Alright that’s it, go to the corner and stop doing that or I’ll tie your hands. WHAT?!?! No, I’m not going to breastfeed you. Leave me alone! Aaaahhhhhh!

Sloth, a nap lasts for an hour. Okay, you’re a baby, 3 hours then. That’s enough. You’ve been sleeping for a week. *pokes baby* Are you still alive?