Alien Gibberish

If aliens were invading earth and we managed to ward them off and win after some overly theatrical speech about mankind, the human spirit, courage, about how we can overcome differences, and how we are united in fighting for our survival, the right to live, and all that crap…then you’re probably watching a movie. It’s a sci-fi geek’s wildest orgasmic dream come true. If the universe is going to launch one massive playoff between different worlds, I don’t think we’d even qualify as a wildcard. I’d say we’d be a small bump on the road that the big monster trucks have to go through. Say we get to that do-or-die point and some self-appointed righteous hero wannabe decides to step up to the plate…The most you’d get is an angry mob, a blind charge…and then the aliens would come and zap us one by one like a deranged kid amazed with what can be done with a magnifying glass and an ant hill gone berserk.

I say when the aliens come we should just sit our asses down and enjoy whatever time is remaining. Pig out. Get laid. Go on a killing spree. Whathaveyou. Because we’re all going to die. And I say that not in a condescending way but in a pleasant manner-of-fact tone. It’s not like we’re battling an attack of locusts or cockroaches from outer space because even I have to admit that we could probably kick their behinds. We’re going to be against higher intelligence, superior technology, yada yada yada. I don’t think our Tom Cruises and Will Smiths can save humanity then. If they can’t do the job, who can right? *snort*