Girl Talk? Anybody?

The thing I like about going out with my high school friends (who I would call the JIMs, named after the tree in school that we hung out under of. James Marshall Puno. We call it JIM) is that I never get bored with the stuff we talk about.

Conversations with normal girls are very tedious. That's why I avoid normal girls in particular. The perky, popular, makeup-festered-faces, overly-vain-feminine type of girls whose conversational skills are limited to fashion, boys, gossip, boys, fashion...are you getting my drift? I don't mind those things but one can only tolerate up to a certain level of the barrage of worthless information (who they're dating or were dating? who's breaking up, the new shoes on display at so-and-so, who's got a crush on who, when is a skirt classy and when is it slutty...blah blah blah blah blah...yakity yakity yak...). But of course you can' t have everything so you adapt and pretend to nod in interest, insert a carefully timed "oohs" and "aahs". Bless them for they notice and they think of you as the "cutest" thing ever and secretly think "what is wrong with her?". Kudos to some of them who are considerate enough to respect the difference and still want to be your friend.

Back to my JIMs. Sitting with us for lunch, or tea, or dinner would be an experience for anybody. Consider this:

1."Hey I was watching a documentary about China. In China, they have Rat Wine," says Pie. To which Terry replies, "Oh yeah. I think I saw that. Don't they make Penis Wine as well?" Fact or fiction? Apparently it is a fact. My fit of laughter combined with choking disabled me from hearing what kind of penis the Penis Wine was made of.

2. Pie, a med student, is ecstatic that they're learning how to do circumcisions. Kylie interjects with a heartwarming tale about a man, his appendix, and his penis. "I heard this story from a doctor. During an appendectomy of a 29 year old male patient, the mother went up to the doctor and said that her son was not yet circumcised and if he could please include the procedure during the operation. And then the night after the operation, the guy got an erection and the stitches on his thingy were ripped open. Question, wouldn't the aftermath pain of circumcision be doubly painful because the thingy is bigger at his age?"
Pie, forever deadpan, said in an even tone : "He won't notice the pain from there (points to her crotch) because the pain from here (points to an approximate location of the apendix) would be too overwhelming...and Kylie...there are no stitches."

3. Kylie was talking about hamsters. She had three. They were the cutest things ever. She said that if the mother gives birth again, she was going to give all five of us (and even FedEx one to SK8 who is in the US) one little critter. Therese, the law student, in her most legal tone announced, "I hate rats. I hate cats. I hate dogs." Sara comments, "Aww, Therese hates animals." To which the Legal Beaver replies "No. I hate everything living. (and in a tone of self-discovery) Hey...I hate life!"

That's just a little taste. I love my friends.

Today wasn't any different. Pie is now taking a subject on OBGyn stuff. She asks us to take note of "important things" for future reference. Apparently, (and girls, ladies, women, and everything else feminine, you take note too) during the first Pre-Natal checkup a doctor is going to be really nosy. And if you know what's best for you, you HAVE TO answer all the questions embarassing or not... take a look:

1. When did you lose your virginity?
2. How often do you have sex? Please indicate the specific frequency.
3. How many times per day?
4. How many partners do you have sex with?
5. What contraceptives do you use?
6. Do you climax?
7. At the average, how long before you reach orgasm?
8. How many times do you climax? How long?
9. What paraphernalia do you employ?

Apparently...all these things are important for future pregnancies. Yes it is true. It's in a legit textbook.

While we're on the topic...we had a lengthy discussion on Cancer.

What is the difference between a woman who has Breast Cancer + Uterine Cancer and a woman who has Breast Cancer + Cervical Cancer?

Did you really think the answer will be medical in nature?

The former gets NO action. The latter gets TOO MUCH action. If you get my meaning...

Brief explanation.

Uterine Cancer is a result of pregnancy not taking place. When a female ovulates, the uterus expects fertilization of the egg. And when that does not happen, sometimes stuff gets complicated (as always in most cases) and tumors are born. Hmm...excuse me for not getting knocked up.

As for Cervical Cancer...do I really need to explain? What part of "TOO MUCH action" do you not understand? Hmm...excuse them for their very potent sex drive.

Come to think of it, either way you're doomed! You can't not do it, and you can't do it. Nature is cruel.

It's also 90% true that I may be prone to Breast Cancer because it is a fact that this type of cancer can be caused by lack of hormonal release (i.e. sexual tension).

Hmm...punish the virgin why don't you.